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Be assertive in your communications The three most common requests we get for leadership workshop topics are: retruuing and motivating volunteers; managing meetings, and communicating, effectively Assertive communication is an impor- tant component ofall three lOplCS. “I” mcssugcs arc the cornerstone of asser- tivc communication. "I" messang allow us to speak lor ourselves. directly and honcslly These messages have three mu'or parts Feelings: direct Lind honest expression of the L‘mlllltmui impact olthc unaccep- tiihlc behavior on you. Behavior: hricl'. nonriudgcmcntul. prc- i'tiL’ description of the specific hchuvtor you lind ticccptnhlc Effect: short, concrclc. logical state- ment of how lhc pcrxon‘s hchuvior dilL’L'l\ you EXAMPLE: "I'm confused and frusâ€" trated. I feel you are pushing our meetâ€" ings along too fast and not allowing enough time for discussion. As a result, I don‘t feel very committed.“ Wording is crucial. Avoid “you” statements disguised as “I” statements, such as “I think you should. . ." or "I know how you feel" or “I wish you would. . If possible, construct your statement beforehand and rehearse it with a trusted friend. Reinforce your verbal message with appropriate nonverbal behavior â€" eye contact and leaning forward. Avoid "mixed messages‘ ‘. for example smiling when you feel angry. An assertive response is neime, aggresswe nor passive. Aggy-ESSin responses are blunt, attacking, 5mm times labelling and often overreacting, A possible response to behavior that i; personally offensive may be Silence or dismissal of the behavior as unimpo'. tant. Being assertive on the other hand, means that you are telling the other per- son how you feel. and why. Whether or not you are commu mm. ing with family members, friend; or H. low members of your organizatim. he a direct and honest (assertive) as ramble. Practice makes perfect. The next um: someone else’s behavior is bti'hcring you, take a second to put together an ap- propriate response. Say how the lizi‘cmfl makes you feel and how it is 'dl'i'xlk'iing your own behavior. You will tr: pleas antly surprised by most respt ' a» to your assertive communication Chuck Baker is leadership 5/ with.” with the Ontario Ministry of Ag r. iilrim and Food, Guelph. How well do you come across to an audience} When you make it prcscntution. do you lust think about the suh|ccl. or do you ilth‘ think about hou- you come across to your listener? Use this checkâ€" ilHl to ll'lCl‘L‘uHL' your awareness of how you sit) Whfll you say * What do you do with your hands? Put them in your pickets? Clutch your notcs‘.’ 0r gesture? ' When do you move to another loca- tion? Never? At scheduled intervals? When you to on to a new subject? How fast do you move? * Where do you move? Back behind the lecturn’.’ Toward your audience? * Where are your looking? At your notes? At the audio-visual material? To a spot on the back wall? 01' at the lwple you’re talking to? " When do you change voice volume? When no one understands? When no one seems to be listening? When the idea is important? . . .corii‘iiiued on P0!” ’6 4 H & C April. May [989